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How to Deal with Trolls

Updated: Apr 18, 2023

Episode #2 of The RuleBook : How to Deal with Trolls. I wanted to talk about trolls and how to deal with them because I think more and more people are becoming aware of their presence. Since so many of us are on social media now and posting things we like or at least showing up in a way that we weren’t before we are all fair game. And If more people are creating content you can bet more people are out their trolling. But let me just say while we may not love a troll – the algorithm DOES. Comments are currency even if they are negative. So that’s your silver lining.

I have personally had my fair share of trolls recently. I mentioned I create dating rules on TikTok but I mostly make NYC rules. When I make a dating rule and I rarely do I am usually inundated with troll comments about how I look or my age. I usually just delete them or block them because there’s nothing worse than arguing with someone who is committed to misunderstanding you or incorrectly assumes they are smarter than you.

But weirdly I was also trolled for my NYC rules. People were saying I had to be a transplant or that the rules were bullshit because I’m not a real New Yorker. Let me quickly say I’m not a transplant I am a full on city girl, Manhattan born and raised. But one time I did have to block people on Instagram when a bigger account shared my NYC rule because I was receiving threats over the fact that I wasn’t from here. All this to say that the internet is a wild ride. And if you can get trolled for making a video about NYC then the limit does not exist. You will be trolled for anything even neutral topics. So you might as well speak your mind if they are going to criticize you either way but at least this way you may also end reaching some people who are interested.

But this episode isn’t about social media. This is about the trolls we come across in real life. Maybe you have a jealous friend or family member who makes sure to put down all your ideas. Or maybe it’s you. Maybe your own thoughts are trolling you. Which leads me to Rule #2 Trolls on the internet suck but trolls in real life need to be blocked and deleted too.

It’s funny because as I sat here and typed this episode out I had put my first ever episode of the podcast up and someone commented, "boring." I wrote thanks. When I get mean comments I always tend to say, "thank you" or "good to know" and not just because I’m a Libra and despise confrontation or because I want to reply to help my algorithm but it also disarms people usually. I think some people just want the attention and know the best way to get it is to be their rudest.

Trolls really do suck – that comment came at an opportune time I could easily close the computer and just give up on writing for the night or who knows maybe I could just never do another episode since someone said it’s boring. To be totally honest it hurt my feelings. For one of the first comments to be boring I’d be lying if I said it didn’t fuck up my night even.

I wasn’t exactly on top of the moon about my first episode. I am not a podcast expert and learning as I go which is uncomfortable. Did I mention I’m a perfectionist? I have been thinking about doing a podcast for years. I was thinking about social media for years and I always let excuses stop me in one way or another. I recorded my first episode months ago and rerecorded it and scripted it and blah blah blah. The final version wasn’t perfect far from it but I knew I had to move on from episode one to create episode 2 and hopefully so and so on. Sometimes you have to just press send or post and let the chips fall where they may so you can move on with your life. Here’s a bonus rule in this episode 90% of life is just showing up. You're light years ahead of the person who doesn’t push publish or post because you accomplished the hardest part, following through.

So spoiler alert – this podcast lives to see another day because I don’t want to let a troll win. Because it’s not about the little troll who said it. That troll obviously represents something else for me. My own imposter syndrome about making a podcast. The shame I feel for trying something new. But I try new things all the time. People who know me best know that I job hop , that I change my mind and my goals and oftentimes to my own detriment. It’s easy to stick with one thing but to be new all the time is hard work. You’re starting over and you’re usually not good at things in the beginning. I have felt like I’ve been looked down on for not sticking to one thing and maybe I have. But I don’t want that trolling thought to stop me from living my life or trying the things I want to try.

Besides we’re all boring to someone right?

You can’t block your own thoughts but you should try to filter. When I catch myself thinking shitty things like: "I’m boring," or "I suck," I try to ignore it or say the opposite. Because if you think about it our thoughts are not even our own. Our thoughts are what we’ve heard other people say about us or themselves or maybe it’s something we saw on TV. But it's true that our own thoughts pretend to come from us when really they are the imposters, little trolls you have to be diligent about blocking because before you know it, if you’re not careful you’ll become one of them - purple hair and all.

I have been a troll. And I have trolled myself harder than anyone on this planet will ever hope to do. Because I have evidence as to why I suck or why I should be ashamed. I have the embarrassing memories, the battle wounds and yes the scars even. Boring is so unoriginal. It’s way too general. Trolls don’t scare me because my own thoughts have done nuclear damage. And I’m not proud of this. I was raised to kick my own ass if someone else wasn’t there to do it. And it simply doesn’t work for me. I actively battle the troll that lives somewhere deep inside me. We’re at war. And maybe you can relate to that. The guy who wrote boring can write boring on every single one of my posts but it’s me who has control over what I do with that.

Someone writing boring doesn’t mean you have to stop doing the thing. You can do the thing anyway. How fucking incredible is that? And when you do the thing despite the troll or the negative thought in a weird way the comment has empowered you because you acted in spite of it. You said I see your fucking comment and I raise you even more content to be mad about and you show your positive thoughts that they are winners.

I think Cardi B said thank you to her haters in an award speech because she said they inspire her to keep going. There is a fine line between love and hate right? Maybe the negative thoughts are there to make sure we don’t access the parts of ourselves that could change our lives. So yes you better filter away because all evidence shows that the negative thoughts don’t serve us. They are called trolls for a reason. When you're little you're told about the troll who lives under the bridge. And when the prince or whoever tries to cross the bridge he has to pay a toll. That’s the negative thought – if you don’t give in maybe you'll cross the bridge into the kingdom of yourself where the real good shit is. Push that troll right off the bridge. Because nothing can stop you unless you let it.

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